日本語のTAのアーントです。 My first comment would be that you should have 3 poems, so maybe you can continue to write on the topic and describe the sandwich or your hunger creatively? Also, the 5-7-5 word count should be followed as well. Finally, you wouldn't say ハングリーある, I guess you could leave it at ハングリー or おなかがすいた。Does this mean you had a mustard sandwich? What else could you add/change to make the poem richer?
I agree with the TA above. There should be three senryuu posted. マスタードはパンのあいだにありますか。 Or is it on the side waiting to be used as a condiment? I guess the poem leaves it up to the reader's imagination.
いいですね。わたしもあまりマスタードすきじゃありません。((at least, i think you're saying that マスタードすきですから、あなたはサンドイッチをたべません､ね？))
ReplyDeleteFor せんりゅ、さんまいかきませんか？
日本語のTAのアーントです。 My first comment would be that you should have 3 poems, so maybe you can continue to write on the topic and describe the sandwich or your hunger creatively? Also, the 5-7-5 word count should be followed as well. Finally, you wouldn't say ハングリーある, I guess you could leave it at ハングリー or おなかがすいた。Does this mean you had a mustard sandwich? What else could you add/change to make the poem richer?
ReplyDeleteI agree with the TA above. There should be three senryuu posted. マスタードはパンのあいだにありますか。 Or is it on the side waiting to be used as a condiment? I guess the poem leaves it up to the reader's imagination.
ReplyDeleteI like mustard!!!
ReplyDelete